First off, I know it's WAY late, but, Happy Birthday, Rat-chan. I was trying to get this posted as sort of a present for you, but who knew formatting failed so badly on LJ?
Now, here is an FST (Fan soundtrack) I created for Aya/Yohji. I based my standards off of a beautiful Tamaki/Kyoya FST from the Ouran fandom, though mine isn't QUITE as nice, since I have neither a cover nor a long intro.
Anyway. The FST follows the timeline of their relationship as I interepreted it. It's 21 tracks, a little bit (we're talking 20-30 seconds) under 80 minutes, because I estimated that was a standard CD.
All links are to imeem, except a few I couldn't find there. For the songtaste links, you can click on the round play button to start the music. The haoting link should start automatically. Let me know if any of the links stop working or go to the wrong place.
Lyrics to the tracks can be found here.
Intro
Aya and Yohji were my very first non-canon yaoi pairing. While they are a fan-based pairing, I've heard many fans say that they can imagine the relationship working in the show. They do little things that make a romantic relationship...plausible, if not actual. Yohji lends Aya his garotte on a mission Yohji turns down, for example. Or, a lot of their interaction in Gluhen. If you think about it, it's...vaguely possible. And while there is a flux of badly written, out of character fanfiction, there are also some stories that make you rejoice or cry, from the power of the emotions that the author can convey, and the characters can melt into without feeling anti-canon.
All in all, this pairing is one that makes a lot of sense in many ways--Yohji, who womanizes to deal with losing his true love, and Aya, who deprives himself in some odd tribute to his sister. They come together, and, well, Yohji never really struck me as someone who would care about dumb things like gender. Everyone has the capacity to be bisexual, given the correct situation, and if someone falls in love with a person who doesn't fit their usual definitions of sexuality, that doesn't mean it's not love. Yohji is the type of person who would open himself to being hurt over and over, by loving people, even though he tells himself to learn. Aya would hurt him by pretending not to care, and yet, Yohji understands him well enough to know why--and in the end, Aya comes to realize he never stood a chance in the first place, no matter how loudly he protested.
One of the best parts (for me, at least) is the tragedy of their relationship. Through Weiss breaking up several times, through Yohji's many affairs, they remain in some sort of limbo, but--then, Yohji loses all hope and tries to forget. And, in the end, when Aya convinces Yohji he doesn't want to start a new life, that he wants to be Yohji, then...the heavens choose for him to forget anyway. And Aya leaves him, because Weiss has to tell themselves it's better for Yohji this way, because they need to believe it. But, in the end, how can Yohji be truly happy? He will never know what he left behind, always with something on the edge of his mind or the tip of his tongue--perhaps he dreams, too--but he can never grasp his past, even knowing he left something very important behind.
It's late, and I'm tired, so that's all I'll say.
On to the FST~
--
1. Collide – Howie Day (Listen) (Listen)
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
I somehow find, you and I, collide.
Afternoons in the flower shop, teasing and laughter and Aya trying not to smile. Nights of blood and adrenaline, and the numb of doing their jobs. They’re together for all of it. One day, they run together randomly, and a relationship starts somehow.
2. Romance d’amour – traditional guitar solo (Listen)
instrumental
Yohji’s theme. Yohji has always lived a life full of romance, in many forms. He loved once, and then he went on to seduce and charm and make the world fall in love with him. Yet, inside, he’s not just a playboy who makes silly jokes and flirts with anything that has two X chromosomes. He’s got a lifetime of guilt and angst buried deeply, that can only be found if one looks closely enough.
3. This Love – Sarah Brightman (Listen) (Listen)
This love
Never has to say love
Doesn’t know it is love
This love
A haunting piece about love in denial. They swear to everyone, even themselves, that they’re not in love, that they don’t know how to love, that they don’t deserve love. The rest of the world wonders why the two of them are the only ones who don’t understand that their relationship is, in fact, closer to love than they’ll admit.
4. A Comme Amour (A for Amour) – Richard Clayderman (Listen)
instrumental
Aya’s theme. No one sees it, but he’s not completely cold to love. He loves his sister and parents, after all.
But he doesn’t love Yohji. He refuses to love Yohji. They’re not cut out for love, and who knows when one or both of them might die? So why does Aya spend so much time thinking about love, and all its strange trivialities he never thought he cared for before?
It’s so incredibly hard to love you
But I love you anyway
And every time I try too hard not to love you
I love you anyway
One day Yohji realizes. Even when Aya’s being cold and prickly, even though Yohji’s told himself this is Aya he’s unintentionally fallen for, Yohji can’t help but love Aya anyway.
The life I’ve left behind me is a cold room
I’ve crossed the last line, from where I can’t return
Where every step I took in faith betrayed me
And led me from my home
And sweet surrender is all that I have to give
Aya gives in.
7. Let This Minute Remain – How Long Is A Minute For A Girl OST (Listen) (Listen)
Let this minute remain
Even if there is no future
Even if there is no dialogue
Let this second extend to the end of heaven
Let me have an instant of eternal love
Sometimes they wish. They’re assassins and live on the edge of death, and they know they shouldn’t indulge themselves, because this relationship can only be broken and unhealthy. But, sometimes, for a few instants they forget everything except each other. Even knowing there may not be anything further, they want this perfect moment.
instrumental
The day is perfect. There is blue sky and pale sunshine, and unthreatening white clouds float by. There are no missions, so Yohji convinces Aya to let himself go a little. They lie indolently beside each other and chat the day away. On such a grand, lazy afternoon, for a short while, they are happy.
You will always be inside my heart
There will always be a place that is just for you
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Nothing lasts forever. Parting comes, and Aya, in his heart, is grateful for the things Yohji taught him and gave him, even if he would never admit it.
I'll remember to love, you taught me how
10. Itsuka, Dokoka De... (Someday, Somewhere...) – Saint Seiya OST (Listen) (Listen)
instrumental
Soon, the Weiss find themselves thrown together again, and Aya and Yohji find themselves thrown together again as well. They had both meant to stay away, because they knew it had been a mistake to get too close last time, but they can’t help the magnetism.
I want to become that angel you loved in fairy tales
Opening up my hands, turn them into wings to protect you
You must believe, believe we will be like in fairy tales
Happiness and joy are the ending
Yohji thinks he could be happy with this, but Aya doesn’t believe in happiness. Aya only believes in the cold, hard world full of daggers and blood and hate. Sometimes, Yohji wishes he could somehow just make things better for Aya.
12. Dusk and Dawn – Yu Quan (Listen) (Listen)
In the end it was you who was lightly waving
The hand that passed farther and farther from me
A smile becomes the last pretense
You have placed heaven in the traveling bag at your side
Aya leaves, for real this time. Weiss breaks. Yohji breaks too.
You left in autumn
The leaves were turning
I walked down roads of orange and gold
I saw your sweet smile
I heard the laughter
You’re still here, beside me every day
Cause I know you by heart.
The seasons pass from the time Weiss split ways. Yohji is now living with a new girlfriend, comfortably buzzed on drugs and drink. He tells himself this, and yet, he buzzes so he doesn’t have to feel. He wishes he could remember less, but finds that Aya’s memory lingers.
instrumental
At Omi’s request, Aya returns to Japan and reforms Weiss. Yohji is living off his girlfriend and her drugs. When they meet again, Aya almost regrets leaving Weiss.
'If you could, do you want to turn back time?'
If I could, I want to understand you
In that wish, I was praying for a place where I could be
The things I had lost can't be replaced... always.
Yohji reflects on the past and what they had, because he feels like he has lost something. He wonders, were they to have a choice, if Aya would go back in time with him.
16. Perfect Stranger – Koyasu Takehito and Miki Shinichiro (Weiss Kreuz) (Listen)
Even the pain that remains is beautiful
Illusions of you are fading in my mind
I might have been a little too obsessed with you
Yohji watched Aya leave too many times. And now, Aya watches as Yohji walks farther and farther away. Watches as Yohji strikes up a relationship with a beautiful teacher. Watches as Yohji’s sanity collapses. And then Aya finally realizes, he cared too much and said too little. (*Bonus: This song is performed by the two voice actors for Aya and Yohji, and the lyrics are apt, so I felt it deserved to be included.)
Note: The video cuts off the song, but a full version can be downloaded easily, just google the title and show.
It appears I have a wound that cannot be healed
I cannot even bury you deep within my memory
17. Wherever You Will Go – The Calling (Listen) (Listen)
So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place?
When I’m gone, you’ll need love
To light the shadows on your face.
Life changes in an instant. Suddenly, Yohji finds he doesn’t want to forget after all. At the end, as the walls of Koua Academy collapse around him, he wonders about the future again for the first time in a long time. What will happen to Aya without him?
In your heart, in your mind
I’ll stay with you for all of time
18. Cry – Infernal Affairs II OST (Listen)
instrumental
In a single moment, all the pieces come together. The world falls. All is dark. Realizations, resolution, and letting go.
19. The Name – Tony Leung (Listen)
Longing is a cruel game, I’ve forgotten how to forget
Your name still remains in my breathing, I thought I didn’t mind
Cruel memories, I’ve forgotten how to forget
My name, has it already vanished from your heart?
After Yohji loses his memory, Aya tries everything he can to avoid thinking about the past. He tells himself Yohji forgot him along with everything else. He tells himself Yohji is happy this way. Often he wonders why he can’t forget too.
20. Remember – Confession of Pain OST (Listen) (Listen)
I try to remember, before it’s too late
I won’t forgive myself if I forget your face
Remember
I try to remember
Yohji knows he needs to remember something important, someone important. Someone who floats on the edges of his dreams but just eludes his grasp. Someone he knows he never wanted to forget.
21. Wounded City Secret – Denise Ho (cover of Ayumi Hamasaki’s “Secret”) (Listen)
My hands can never hold on
Happiness is no more than a single breath
My heart cannot put down
The days in the wind
Snow drifts gently from the sky. The people in the city pass by like a soundless cloud. Crouching beside a postbox, bleeding his life out of his side, all that Aya wants is for Yohji to take him away, one last time.
The last wish
Not looking back, you take me away
Take me to fly out of here
Bid farewell to the wounded city
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- Song Lyrics Translation Site
Comments
But, I guess that makes it all the nicer when people say they enjoyed it. So I'm very glad you think so well of it, and very very glad you agree with my intro. Hopefully the songs will be to your taste as well~
I <3 Collide greatly, by the way. ^^
Yeah, Collide quickly became an Aya/Yohji song for me, which is how I ended up writing my songfic with it. That's partly the reason I included it. ^^; I actually used several songs I put in fics and things.
Thanks again for sharing!!
6 is...well...I love Sarah McLachlan's "Surfacing" album (for some reason it's the only one I listen to), and that song was the one that fit the best.
7...I'm very surprised you liked 7 so much, actually, because it's from a Chinese flash animation movie. I mean, it's a very pretty song, but I wasn't sure how all my foreign language tracks would appeal to the people who look at my FST. So I'm terribly happy you liked it.
By the way...you said you were adding 7 to your playlist? Did you find it on itunes? (I'd be VERY surprised.)